This may be a very silly question, but here goes...
What 'parent names' do you use with your kids?
I'm a British woman with a French husband and we're trying to use OPOL with our 10-week-old baby son. It seems natural that I should be 'mummy' and my husband is 'papa' (as per our respective languages) but we're having a really hard time sticking with this. When I speak to the baby (in English) 'daddy' just trips off the tongue so naturally, and it's the same for my husband who keeps saying 'maman' instead of mummy as he speaks in French.
We're trying to correct and train ourselves and I guess we need to just stick with it because otherwise it's very confusing for the baby if we are referred to differently in different languages - right? But we're finding it hard! Does anyone have any advice or experience to share? I'm very curious.
Is this a stupid question? Am I overthinking this? This newbie to the world of bilingualism would love your thoughts.
Welcome to bilingual parenthood where we do our heads in with every language detail! lol
I had the same problem and eventually gave up! lol And my daughters don't seem too confused (5 and 1 1/2).
The only thing my eldest got confused with was her Dad saying "Mami" and "Papi" in Spanish for Mum and Dad when in French these words mean granny and grandpa. I did step in a few times to remind him how confusing it was so he then favoured the use of "Mama" and "Papa" (he now uses both options).
My eldest now fully understands who is being referred to depending on the language being spoken (when she just turned 4 the penny dropped and she knew which language was which and with whom she used each); plus the differing stress and accent depending on the language used.
You know, bilingualism is not a very "neat" business. In fact, it is rather all the contrary!! It is always messy at the beginning but over time the child outgrows the messiness. Though children are not as "ignorant" as some might believe them to be, they just need time to learn and understand. And after all: 1) in life there is often more than 1 word for things, 2) baby will eventually learn these different words in all their languages.
You are right in wanting to be consistent, but don't beat yourself up too much if you slip. Remember that sometimes the tree hides the forest.
Hope it helps.
***"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - Oscar Wilde***
Agree with Amy - it's messy, and in the end the child decides!
We decided to go with plain "papa" and "maman" at the beginning, because my daughter was born in France and my husband felt more comfortable with papa, and I didn't really care, especially as it's sometimes used in English anyway ("papa", not "maman" of course!). Given that all the drs, care-givers etc were saying "maman" I just went along with that (I should note that our household language is French). It's the one exception I make when speaking to my daughter - I say "maman" if referring to myself (well, now she is almost 3 I don't need to refer to myself as much in the third person!). Other than that I always speak in English to her.
HOWEVER, as we moved to Latin America when she was 11 months and lived there until very recently, she picked up on "mamá", which is now what she says. This is sometimes mixed with "mami" and "papi", which as Amy said does create a bit of confusion because they mean "grandma" and "grandpa" in French. But generally speaking we just muddle through and it somehow works out.
The one thing is that my mother (Australian) seems incapable of remembering to say "papa", so she often receives blank stares when she uses the term "daddy", and of course "mummy" sounds like "mami".
Overall I think you should go with whatever feels most natural!
We're an OPOL family too and frankly, I never thought about this. I refer to both of us in ml and ML Daddy refers to both of us in ML. So when I speak I'm Mama and he is Papa with German pronunciation; when he speaks, I'm maman and he is papa with French pronunciation.
With grandparents, we handle things differently, however. The French grandma has requested to be called "nanie", so she is Nanie no matter who speaks. For the ml grandparents, we go with the most common ml terms which are what I called my own grandparents, Oma and Opa. Again, these are used no matter who speaks. (I guess you could say we use these as if they were names.)
I wouldn't worry too much. As Amy said, your kid will figure out that there is more than one word for the same thing. Our daughter figured out that mommy has one language and daddy has another language when she was not quite 2½. I wrote a short blog post about it here.
I have been having similar questions regarding how to refer to the parents in two different languages (I speak Russian and my husband speaks English). My original hope was that my husband would be called "papa"- the Russian word- no matter the language, but that was his name for his grandfather so his preference was to be called "daddy". I have found it difficult to insert "daddy" in the middle of full Russian sentences when I speak to my almost 6-month-old daughter. I have since settled on referring to him as "papa", and occasionally- for example, when he is approaching us or when I am about to hand her off to him- calling him "daddy"- for example, "вот идет (here comes-in Russian) daddy"! I hope that as she grows up, she will associate both words with him and they could be interchanged depending on whom she is speaking with.
I can understand that you're questioning this! When our daughter was just a few weeks old, my husband and I talked about this and he decided he wanted to be called Daddy (even though German speakers say Papa) and it was important to me to be Mommy). It took a bit of getting used to, mostly for my husband, but it's like anything you have to practice (for example, it took practice for me to narrate everything to her and now I can't stop even when I'm by myself!). Now it's totally normal and my daughter (27 months) says Mommy and Daddy no matter the language. She has gone through phases of saying Mama, Papa, and even using my first name 😬, but we just continued with Mommy and Daddy and she switched back.
This was not an issue for me in the beginning because we use the ML@H approach, so both parents speak to our children in the ml. But, all grandparents speak Spanish to them. We call them "grandpa" and "grandma", and they refer to each other as "abuelo" (=grandpa) and "abuela (=grandma). My 4-year-old daughter uses the ml terms with me and her dad and the ML terms when speaking Spanish; no confusion at all. When she was little, she only called them "grandpa" and "grandma", but then again, everything she said was in English (ml) until she turned 3.
Even though we didn't have a problem with this, I kind of did with my eldest with her name. Both my children happen to have names that are spelled the same both in our ML and ml, so they can be pronounced either way. I felt that pronouncing everything in the same language (ml) felt easier than changing accents in the middle of a sentence, but I was always afraid of confusing her if we called one thing and everyone else something different. With my youngest, I went with the ml pronunciation, which feels easier to me, and my husband with the ML one. He understands both as his name. The funny thing is that everyone at nursery school calls him using the ml pronunciation, which sounds silly to me, as they're speaking in the ML, but I hope to change that when he starts school!
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Raquel: I love it, Mayken! What a sweet lady. I would have listened in and not asked, hehe. Did you use it to show your daughter how useful the ml can be?
Dec 21, 2017 20:35:38 GMT 9
Mayken: Raquel, my daughter loved it - both the coincidence, and that this lady was learning our language!
Dec 24, 2017 22:25:47 GMT 9
Adam Beck: Happy New Year to you all! Let's make 2018 a really good year!
Dec 31, 2017 7:04:50 GMT 9
Joanna: Packing to go home from Canada...luggage scale reading 23 kg of minority language books!
Dec 31, 2017 23:48:06 GMT 9
Amy: Happy new year to all! . May 2018 bring you every success in your bilingual endeavours!
Jan 1, 2018 23:08:58 GMT 9
Mayken: Happy new year to everyone! I shared a little New Year's Eve story in the Snack Bar.
Jan 5, 2018 5:08:21 GMT 9
Mayken: 7yo wrote her Christmas letter in the ml and sent it to Santa's address in our ml country. This week she received his reply - and was somewhat offended that he replied in the ML
Jan 5, 2018 21:47:21 GMT 9
Adam Beck: That's very cute, Mayken!
Jan 6, 2018 7:57:09 GMT 9
Amy: Oh no Mayken!! I'd also feel very gutted in her shoes! Hope he made up for it by spoiling her on Xmas!
Jan 7, 2018 1:12:53 GMT 9
Mayken: He totally did, Amy! Especially her most important wish - the second illustrated Harry Potter (in ml, of course).
Jan 9, 2018 0:06:05 GMT 9
Raquel: Happy 2018!! How come Santa replied in the wrong language? That's weird.
Jan 9, 2018 19:26:41 GMT 9
Mayken: Raquel, he gets letters from all over the world at that German address, and I guess the reply is in the language that matches the country fo the child's return address. Next time she'll use my mom's address (if she still wants to write to Santa then).
Jan 10, 2018 0:38:19 GMT 9
Raquel: Mayken, I just was surprised that, reading a letter in a certain language, they would reply in a different one. But if it's an standarized letter, then it makes total sense.
Jan 10, 2018 21:42:23 GMT 9
Mayken: It is. Our local ML Santa, to whom my daughter wrote the year before (in ml) replied in ML too but started the letter with her name. But then he's serving a town of 37,000 people only.
Jan 10, 2018 23:18:32 GMT 9
Raquel: Makes sense, Mayken. Thanks for explaining.
Jan 11, 2018 22:31:51 GMT 9
Mayken: My daughter called me out twice this week for using the wrong language with her. The second time it was only one work (number of a métro line).
Jan 12, 2018 0:16:39 GMT 9