More ML exposure?

Hi Taysha!!

I kind of know where you're coming from. My situation is a bit different, as my husband also speaks to our kids in the ml and they both attended nursery school, my son still does. But the results weren't very different: my daughter only spoke in the ml from age 2 to age 3. I translated all the time: with my mom, friends, other kids... But then, at age 3, she wanted to communicate with other kids, and that's when she started speaking in the ML too. We're playing catch up with monolingual children, but her ml is still very strong, for which I'm grateful. In your case, with dad speaking in the ML, even if he doesn't spend as much time with your son as you do, my guess is your son's ML will be much stronger than my daughter's was. Before you know it, you'll have to worry about how strong the ML is and how little exposure he gets to the ml in comparison.

Now that I'm doing this the second time around, I'm not as strict as I was before, and I bet that, whatever you do, everything will turn out fine. But if it were me, I wouldn't compromise my only speaking in the ml to my child. If you do, you're telling him it's okay to speak either language with you. When he spends more time at school, with friends, family and everyone around him speaks in the ML, he may decide speaking only in the ML is much easier, so why bother speaking in the ml at all? What you could do is, find activities he can do with other ML speakers. This way he gets more exposure to the ML and you still remain a ml speaker in his mind.

I share Raquel's thoughts about finding ML activities you can do with him. Maybe a playdate or joining a mom's group can help him get used to hearing and interacting/socializing in the ML, and start making connections to whom he should speak in the ML or ml. I strongly suggest you stick to only using ml with him. This is highly important. I know other parents who started using only ml, and them switched to both ml & ML, and are now wondering why their kids only use ML with them.

Around 3 years old is when kids start communicating or trying to interact more with other kids, and then you will be surprised to see him doing just fine with ML.

Dani

Thanks so much for your input, Dani and Adam! My husband is thankfully very supportive about the minority language aims we have...even though it does make communication with our son a bit tricky for him at the moment. When I asked him about whether he thinks we should change the approach a bit, he said no, that he was sure it would all work out fine. It is just me stressing I guess! However, when we get back from our ml trip, I will be a little more proactive about getting our son time and activities in with ML speakers.

I’d like to add my experience here. Until the age of 5, my youngest was in ml daycare. I was the one that picked her up and made dinner and my ML husband had smaller input because of his long commute. We had the same problems as you. My husband wouldn’t understand her when she tried to express herself. I did decide to loosen my rules a bit and read to her in a language of her choice. It made a small difference and hasn’t led to any irreversible side effects yet.

But this is not a story about her daycare years. This is the story of the last 9 months when she went to ML school with 50% of the time in a new ml language (so third language for her). Within two months English ML came back roaring and vibrant as ever. Within 3 months my ml stopped being the “default” language she babbled in when talking to me and her sister. And the last 6 months are a constant battle in keeping her from ML. I have to remind her literally every 3 minutes that I want her to speak ml. It’s mind boggling how quickly my ml dominant baby forgot it. We’re definitely back to ml only books of course.

Keep strong. It seems like that depth of knowledge and that preference will go on forever. But any given day you’re 3 months away from losing everything you are fighting for. What will keep you going are the habits you establish now, when it’s easy. Your husband will have years to have heart to heart discussions with his kid(s) when they start ML schooling. From what I can tell it has had no long lasting negative consequences for the relationship between my husband and my daughter. They’re even closer than with our other daughter that has always been ML dominant.

Tatyana, thank you for sharing! Like Adam, I love the way you put that "any given day you're 3 months away from losing everything you are fighting for." It is good to keep in mind. Best wishes for you and your battle!