Hello from France

Hi Liz,

Just to second what Amy says - it sounds as though your son is doing really well!

Regarding integration, I wouldn't worry. On the contrary, the 'double identity' should be a source of wealth for him. And in France as a whole (maybe not where you are living), TONS of children have dual backgrounds. And unfair as it is, English enjoys a certain prestige, so at some point, perhaps around college, I am sure it will actually give him extra status at school...

I have found that it is more on a cultural level that I have had to become more flexible. I am Australian but lived in France most of my adult life, my husband is French and we currently live in Chile (moving back to France in 3 months). My daughter (2 and 3/4) was born in Paris and we moved here just before she turned one. She goes to a Chilean creche.

When we first arrived, I clung (too) hard to certain things from France/Australia: things like not eating sugary sweets at all times of the day, not wearing certain types of clothes, not throwing extravagant birthday parties etc. I think I thought that being impermeable to ML culture in that way would help cement her French/Australian identity and by osmosis somehow encourage her language skills. I even imported large quantities of French baby food so that she would be eating like a little French girl rather than like the local kids (in my defense, the quality is much better, but I'm not sure the expense justified it!). I just ignored the not-so-subtle comments from the (very lovely) care-givers, who couldn't understand why I refused to buy her plastic shoes or send her to creche with sugary fizzy drinks in her bag.

Then one day someone gave her the type of schoolbag the kids have here, which is not my taste at all, and her eyes just lit up. I let her take it to creche, just the once, and her care-givers told me that she was just so excited to have a bag just like all the others...and that she had clung to it all day and been so proud of it.

So since then I've realised that there is no harm in being a bit flexible and letting certain things from the ML culture in (and we are even planning a big birthday party just like those of her friends haha!), but I try to keep a balance. And at home we remain firmly ml--no ML input at all. All the kids know she is 'different': that she speaks different languages at home, that her clothes are not quite the same and that she eats stinky cheese. But they all seem to accept it and she has lots of friends, and that's all that matters! I'm sure that's the case with your son too!

Hi, Nellie!

Oh man, what you wrote reminds me of myself with my first child. I was even having diaper rash cream and Burt's Bees baby wash shipped to us because it made me feel...maybe more connected to the US? Or it was just familiar and having a baby was difficult and scary for me at the beginning. I eventually stopped doing that and with my second child, I am much more integrated into French culture. I understand your feelings, though.

I grew up feeling very "different", so I think I am maybe too sensitive when it comes to my children. I need to accept the fact that YUP, they have an American mom, so that's different here.

Liz, welcome! I'm happy to see you've already been greeted with warm encouragement from other keepers!

While I understand your concerns, it sounds to me like you're making good progress and that your persistent efforts will continue to pay off in a lot of satisfying success over the months and years ahead. So my main advice would be to simply keep at it, day by day, and feel free to lean on us when you feel discouraged.

In fact, feelings of discouragement are experienced by many parents on this bilingual quest, particularly in the early years. The critical thing, though, is persevering past them because, generally speaking, it does get easier to sustain momentum as time goes by.

You can do it, Liz, and you needn't feel alone in this--we're all with you in the same big multilingual boat!

I hope you enjoy my book and find it to be another helpful source of support for the success and joy of your journey!