Hola from Madrid!

Dave,
Nice to meet you. What a great opportunity you are offering to your children. Since you are living in Spain, you also have a great opportunity to learn Spanish. You list your ML as English, but would it be Spanish, since you are living in Spain? Then, what you would be offering your children is English as the ml and also German, if you decided to pursue that too. Re-conceptualizing ML/ml that way may give you a more positive outlook on the contribution you are making to their language education.

Dave, welcome! I'm really glad to hear that you enjoyed my book and I hope it can help you realize much success--for your whole family--on your bilingual journey. (And if you could continue sharing your positive feedback about the book with others, online and off, I'd be grateful to you.)


About your situation, above all, I think it's crucial to keep this thought firmly in mind:

When it comes to both your children's language acquisition, and your own, there is always a payoff to perseverance. As long as you persist in your efforts, day by day and year by year, you and your children (and your wife, too!) can make very satisfying progress over time. As I stress in This Is When You Should Give Up the Idea of Raising a Bilingual Child and in other posts, I don't believe "failure" in language learning is even possible if there is relentless (but playful!) perseverance.

For you and your wife, this means, of course, that you'll need to make an unwavering commitment not only to supporting your children's language development, but building your own at the same time. It seems to me, however, that if you can indeed have the children attend Spanish schools for a few years, then move them into German schools beyond that, this alone would meet the conditions needed for them to develop capable Spanish and German.

At the same time, while in Spain, you could offer basic exposure to German on a regular basis (maybe a short "German Time" each day where you read simple books, sing songs, play games, etc.) to at least familiarize them with this language, and nurture a positive attitude toward it before moving to Germany. (Perhaps your mother can lend support here.) And then, when you're in Germany, you would find ways (like a tutor, for instance) to maintain and advance their Spanish side, too.

Throughout all this, the main home language would continue to be English, which will also require some proactive support to cultivate their literacy, assuming they largely attend Spanish and German schools. And, again, you and your wife would remain as diligent as you could about studying these languages, too, though if you foresee living permanently in Germany (and because of your own personal desire to acquire German), you may want to emphasize German in your own studies, even while in Spain.

Dave, there are a lot of "moving parts" to your situation--so the road ahead may not run as straight as I've outlined here, but as long as you persevere past your challenges, I expect you and your family will experience a lot of joyful success in the years ahead.

And I look forward to hearing good news from you as time goes by!

Hi Alison,

Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. It's really helpful!

Yes you're right, I'd like our girls to have an awareness of German, and to show them the value of the language and that part of their identity. I'm gonna start some exposure to it with books, Sesamstraße on YouTube, and I want to find some good music CDs etc. I'll do some major shopping-sprees, like you said!

I'm trying really hard to improve, though I'm conscious I don't want to burn myself out and lose enthusiasm. I've been doing Duolingo for a while - I agree, it's brilliant! - and listening to radio on TuneIn, and I'm gonna try to find a tutor to do Skype sessions with.

I love Adam's idea of 'cloning'!! That will be especially great for us as I am away from home so much. So I'm going to try to record myself reading stories in German and put them on Google Drive for my daughters to watch to their heart's content!

I'd really like to get an Au Pair, though my eldest is at school until 16:30 so she actually wouldn't benefit so much - and the little time we have with her is valuable to us!! But I'm really considering this option.

Thank you for your encouragement about asking for my Mum to help. Yes, I think I will ask her to help. I think she'd really appreciate it and would be very enthusiastic to try. She has been trying hard to learn Spanish!

Okay, thank you again for your comments and help!

Dave

Hi Adam,

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm so grateful that you have taken the time and effort to do this, especially as I know how valuable time is as a parent!  

I read your post about 'When to give up...' and I found it very encouraging. Also, your principle that there is always a payoff to perseverance will really help me to keep those emotional batteries charged! I'll try to be ready for the lull in mental energy, and the periods of doubting and frustration and personal demons, and I'll remind myself about the payoff!

We will try really hard to keep up that unwavering commitment to building our kids' and our own language development. We'll make it a routine. I'm writing down our strategy and I'll put a language diary, checklist, or calendar up on our fridge - I love ticking things off lists!

But I will try especially hard to follow your advice of keeping it playful and fun!! Occasionally I've managed to use that switch, to turn on the 'silliness', and it can work wonders for communicating or resolving conflict!! My eldest daughter can be very resistant if she feels she's being made to do something, so we'll really try to find playful and fun ways to nurture a positive attitude to language.

I'm going to keep finding books, CDs, games and other resources. I'll prioritise this in our budget! And we've got a pretty good library down the road, so I'll add 'go to library' to our fridge check-list.

Also, I loved your idea of 'cloning'! I am away from home a lot, for 5 or so days at a time, so I'll start recording videos of myself reading stories, which our girls can then watch to their heart's content! My wife and I love this idea - it could have SO many benefits!

We'll keep our main language as English at home, and we'll do 'German/Spanish time'. The school does Spanish on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so maybe at home we can support that by doing 'Spanish time' on those days. And if we use passive media we'll only allow it in the minority language. I'll ask my Mum for her help, which on reflection I think she would be delighted about! And we'll plan trips to Germany, and I'll tell my daughters about Black Forest Gateau and other German delights! Also we'll work on fostering our daughters' friendships with their Spanish peers, to help maintain that need for Spanish at school.

Adam, thanks again for your effort and kindness. I look forward to spending more time here and rereading your book and blog posts!

All the best,

Dave

Dave Hartley, I'll think about what else my daughter enjoyed when she was 2 and get back to you!

Dave, you're very welcome. It's so gratifying when I see parents make a stronger commitment to their bilingual aim, because I know that commitment and the fresh efforts it generates will enable the family to experience more success and joy on their journey together. I've been blessed to witness this breakthrough in families all over the world and I'm now convinced that it's possible for any family to make more satisfying progress as long as their commitment is firm and their perseverance outlasts whatever challenges and concerns might arise.

So please keep at it, day by day, and even when you struggle, know that struggling is simply part of this larger process--we all struggle in our own ways--and the more important thing is to continue trying and steadily persist in the most playful and effective efforts you can muster over the full length of childhood.

Hi Amy,

Thank you for your thought provoking post! It's always good to get lots of points-of-view! And I love your analogy of language exposure being like a healthy diet.

I hope my comment about limiting TV didn't sound self-righteous. I know parenting decisions are so personal but can be so divisive as well. That was just how things developed in our home. It wasn't really premeditated, but we liked it as a principle and have stuck to it. I know that everyone's circumstances are different, and usually there's no right or wrong answer - just the right balance, like you say!

So for us now we have to make decisions about how to introduce our girls to TV. I totally agree with you that it is a powerful tool. I sit with my eldest daughter to watch Sesamstraße together, which is lovely time for us to spend with each other, and also she can ask me questions whilst watching. Her attention span is about 20 minutes, which is perfect for Sesamstraße!

Gracias!

Dave

Hi Isa, I'm sorry for the slow reply! It's great to hear your experience, and I think it's awesome that you and your husband are speaking English when you are not native speakers. 

Thank you for your encouragement! I'm finding it very difficult at the moment, and not being a native speaker in German is putting doubts in my mind, and fears of failure.

It must be difficult for you to speak English, and I expect we will have similar experiences! There are so many great opportunities in Spain for learning English, and I have been amazed by the Spanish enthusiasm for learning. There are SO many bilingual schools, nurseries and clubs - which I've realised are for the Spaniards to learn English!

I think you'll do really well, and I look forward to hearing about your progress!

I myself studied German but at the moment I'm not passing this language onto my children as I'm too busy concentrating on their English. I read a great blog German in the Afternoon Activities, which could give you some ideas about teaching German (with book recommendations etc).