ml stronger than ML

Hi Danielle,

In response to the second part of your post first, I can tell you my strategy so far.

My 2 year old is speaking a mixture of English and German. I only ever speak English to him and my husband only German. But we both understand each other's languages so my son does "get away" with this mixing and still is understood (or is not understood by either of us because of normal toddler pronunciation). I do the same as you, expand on what he's said or rephrase it in English. Other people I know have suggested I pretend not to understand when he says something in German, but I don't do this for several reasons. Firstly, it's not always easy to say which language it was when he mixes so much (e.g. eyes open, eyes zu), plus many words are so similar in English and German (and I suspect you'll have that with Danish / English too) that along with his toddler pronunciation it's really not clear which language it is. Secondly, I don't think he is really aware yet that they are two different languages. I've tried explaining sometimes (Daddy says Mütze, Mummy says hat) and he laughs but I think there is a long way to go before he can separate the languages properly. And thirdly, but probably most importantly, we're well and truly into the toddler years you are heading for. If I pretend I don't understand, his most likely response is not to rephrase what he said in English but to throw himself on the floor and scream because he is 2 and that is his go-to response for any frustrating situation.

When my son is older I will of course be stricter and play down how good my German is but I don't think that is feasible yet.

That said, I often wonder if it is an advantage for OPOL parents who don't understand each other's languages. Do their children learn to separate languages earlier? I'd be really interested to hear what others think about that.

In response to the first part of your post, I have the more typical opposite situation where he is using more ML so can't offer any practical advice. But I'd be inclined not to worry about it, I don't think Danish will ever be a problem in your situation. My son was slow to start talking and didn't say much at all at 18 months, but just after his second birthday had a huge language explosion. You might well find that in a few weeks your daughter will suddenly "catch up" in Danish. They are still developing so much at this age and making so many connections in their brains, changes happen suddenly and unexpectedly.

I'm really interested to read what other people think though!

You really don't.

I'm in pretty much the same situation as you, except my son is now nearly 5. I'd say your kid's speech development is perfectly normal and there is no need to interfere with it in any way.

Right now she's very young. Her bond to you (who has raised her at home for a year) is very, very strong compared to her bond to pretty much anyone else in the world. So not only did she get more exposure in her ml while at home, it's also the most important language in the world for her, because it's yours! But it won't last. As your kid grows up, while her bond with you will remain at the top of her list through preschool years, other relationships will start becoming more and more important in her life. She'll be making friends, go to playdates, want to fit in, all of that in Danish, and it won't be long before her ML becomes the stronger language. For us it happened some time between our son's 3rd and 4th birthday.

The way we've done it at home is: I'd always answer in my language, my husband always answers in his language. We've never tried to pretend not to understand something or denied communication. I know some people have done it this way, but personally I'm against it. It's way too early in your child's development to segregate between languages when she talks anyway. She's experimenting with words and needs to do so profusely, with pleasure, and as little restraint as possible. Rephrasing is a very good idea though, and your husband can do the same.

My son was 2 when he started making the difference between "mum's language" and "dad's language". He kept a preference for some words in some languages. though, because they were simpler or easier to pronounce. But that's a normal thing, and monolinguals use similar mechanisms only with one language (they use words like "thing" or "that" to avoid the words they can't pronounce well instead). Even now, when my son doesn't know a word in one language, he'll slip in a word in the other. That's the occasion to teach him a new word.

The important thing to understand, is that a strong foundation in the English language is also providing a strong foundation for any other language she is exposed to. So whatever people tell you, just keep talking English to her. I understand very well the worry that surrounds the majority language, it's the language of the future school and there is a strong feeling that it should develop quickly. But your child, by the look of it, is totally nailing her language milestones and she has appropriate exposure to Danish. So just wait and see. For now there is no reason to worry that Danish won't catch up.

I had a similar concern. My youngest is in Russian daycare, so Russian is her stronger language. But at about 3 she started to show clear signs that English isn't really that far behind. For me as a Russian speaker it's hard to gauge her level. Yet my husband says that every few months she makes leaps in English to be more clear.

I've known other families like that too, and at 5, when they finally started school, I couldn't tell that English was not their primary language.

So I'd say to enjoy the English progress and know that Danish will come. Your husband is doing great replying in Danish. Make sure he reads in Danish too.

So I am in the exact opposite boat - Danish is our ml and English our ML. My daughter is 2.5 years old and pretty much fluent in Danish - her ml, whereas she often doesn't react to English and only uses small sentences. I have never before heard that kids speak later due to a language being harder, wasn't true with Danish in our case anyways.

I am not the least concerned and really don't think you should be either, at only 1½ years old. If she's in vuggestue/dagpleje, I'm sure she'll pick it up very soon. My daughter has been at home full time (incl. 3 months in Denmark) since last May. She just started preschool again this week and already I can clearly hear her English improving.

I am in the same situation (and I was a little concerned about it, too).

In my family there is English and Polish language. Currently my daughter is 2.5 years old and her ml (English) is definitely stronger than ML. It is easy for her to say simple, short words that are easy to learn than Polish counterparts.

I think the reason is complexity of the language. English words are easy to say and when the kid starts playing with his/her tongue trying to articulate vowels and consonants, it finds English words much easier to say.

As Adam would probably say, kids are pragmatic. That was also probably the reason why in Adam's family, English was easier to learn than Japanese, at least at the first stage.

I couldn't help the feeling that I could slow down a little (taking into the fact English is stronger), however as you all wrote here I SHOULDN'T!, well in the end her Polish will definitely be stronger no matter what I do in the current circumstances.

P.S. The other reason for ml to be stronger than ML is probably how much efforts the ml parent puts into raising his/her kid. If we give our time every day to our kid, day by day then we can see the results... Maybe in certain families ml parent overwhelms ML?