Has my son changed because of non-native ml upbringing?

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Ryoko
Junior Keeper

Posts: 18

Country (residing now): Japan (Kansai area)
Country (originally from): Japan
Children, Ages: Boy, 3 Girl, 0
Majority Language: Japanese
Minority Language(s): English

Has my son changed because of non-native ml upbringing? Feb 14, 2016 3:16:34 GMT 9

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Post by Ryoko on Feb 14, 2016 3:16:34 GMT 9

Hi, everyone!

I feel that my son (3yo7m) has changed gradually and I can figure some possible reasons. He was really cheerful, lively and interested in many things (how things work etc.; he used to ask many questions) before he started to go to nursery school (or his baby sister was born). He has gone to ML nursery school from 9 to 4 since April 2015.

He is now sluggish, sucks or chews everything in his mouth (toys, fingers). I noticed his chewing or sucking things a week ago. This probably comes from his three months baby sister but I cannot deny other factors too.

These days, I doubt this might be because of my bilingual education. Because I speak to him in my non-native ml (English) every day at home except when I read Japanese (ML) books and when we have a bed time today's story, I might hamper his mental development.

When he asks me some intelligent questions like, "Why do volcanoes erupt?" I cannot answer properly in ml. "Well, I will check with my PC. Wait." And I check it but most of the time I cannot find good source and start to read out what's written in some site. And my son does not understand and goes away. Or, I explain in poor English with a lot of gesture or drawing pictures. This happened many times and come to think of it, now he does not ask me intelligent WHY questions anymore...

Now , I really do not know if speaking English at home nearly all the time is really okay for him. Is it worth doing in this stage??

These days he started to output English. Very easy sentences though like "Can you open it?, You wear pink pants! Daddy, stop it! I don't want to do that. I am eating bread and cheese" and so forth. I am glad to know that my 3-years-effort finally flourishes (I started his bilingual upbringing when he was 7 months. Now he is 3 years and 7 months). But at the same time I worry. Anyway, his English cannot go beyond my English level as long as he speaks English only with me. Is there any good things to talk to him in English anymore?

If my English does not meet his current mental development, I feel that I should stop or lessen my speaking hours.

Would you please give me any adivise?

Adam Beck
Head Keeper

Author of "Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability" and "Bilingual Success Stories Around the World"

Posts: 2,176
Country (residing now): Japan
Country (originally from): USA
Children, Ages: Girl, 19 and Boy, 16
Majority Language: Japanese
Minority Language(s): English, Spanish

Has my son changed because of non-native ml upbringing? Feb 17, 2016 10:12:09 GMT 9

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Post by Adam Beck on Feb 17, 2016 10:12:09 GMT 9

Ryoko, I hope you won't mind a little "tough love."

It's becoming difficult to respond to your situation because I see your concerns as largely the product of "overthinking." From my perspective, you've been making productive efforts and steady progress...but your tendency to "overthink" things is counterproductive: It sours your experience and continually generates undue doubt and distress.

In other words, I think you're "getting in your own way." I suspect you may be feeling tired these days, and this is adversely affecting the situation, but if you would just move forward with more confidence and patience in your actions, I believe you'd not only experience greater success, you'd experience greater joy in the process, too. (As one concrete example, rather than sinking into worry over being unable to adequately address your son's curiosity, you could simply place an order for several minority language "information books" geared for kids. Turning to the Internet is probably not the best solution for responding to the interests of small children when you can browse a suitable book together.)

Because bilingualism should never come at the cost of a happy home life--our aim must be both--I would encourage you to make peace with the situation in some way, whether that means continuing "full-time" with your efforts or scaling this back to a "part-time" routine.

Ryoko, if you'd like to talk about this further, feel free to contact me with a personal message or by email.

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Ryoko
Junior Keeper

Posts: 18

Country (residing now): Japan (Kansai area)
Country (originally from): Japan
Children, Ages: Boy, 3 Girl, 0
Majority Language: Japanese
Minority Language(s): English

Has my son changed because of non-native ml upbringing? Feb 17, 2016 13:26:04 GMT 9

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Post by Ryoko on Feb 17, 2016 13:26:04 GMT 9

Adam

Thank you very much for your reply. I really appreciate it.

What you said in your post is really true. You spotted my personality and that made me laugh.

After I created this full of worriment thread, I have found good books at library. People who are like in my situation can refer to it.

"CHARLIE BROWN'S ENCYCLOPEDIA" series tells us in easy English "how things work in the world" to kids. I am going to read them to tell my son!

As you mentioned, I am a bit tired these days. This morning I was a bit irritated because my son was still playing with toys while I was getting ready for his nursery school with my baby. I got nearly angry and told him "PLEASE HURRY UP!!! WE SHOULD HURRY!!!"

Then my son came to me and said in English "Mommy, don't get angry! Just smile and hurry." His words made me laugh because I had not finished getting ready either.

As you say, things might not be as bad as I think. I will keep in mind to see this challenge in a long run.

Thank you very much.

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