Keep going, keep growing
Dec 10, 2014 14:59:27 GMT 9
Post by Adam Beck on Dec 10, 2014 14:59:27 GMT 9
Last night my daughter cried through dinner.
Although she's a good student, overall, she struggles in math. The issue isn't so much her ability, it's more the fact that her natural tempo is quick--she does everything at a fast pace--and this undercuts her accuracy in subjects that need precision, like math.
Lulu is 10 and her brother Roy is 7. Despite the nearly three-year gap between them, Roy is a far more precise thinker and, as a result, is now surpassing Lulu in areas of language development that involve more careful attention, such as spelling.
But back to math and last night's tears.
One vital lesson every child must learn is that no skill in life is merely a matter of "can" or "can't." As long as we continue to try, and keep our frustrations reasonably contained, skill development is pretty simple, really: given regular effort, it's an ongoing process of growth over time. There's a time and place for thinking, of course, but when thinking overtakes doing, this "overthinking" is an unnecessary interference. (The same is true for raising a bilingual child: there is no "failure" unless we abandon our efforts. See Have You Failed at Raising a Bilingual Child?)
Lulu, though, hasn't learned this lesson yet, and by believing the error of her perception--that people either "can" or "can't" do something--while dwelling on her frustrations and letting them undermine her desire and her efforts, she has created her own obstacle to this ongoing process of growth. In other words, she's making this much harder than it really is; she's getting in her own way.
As my wife and I talked to her about this (which itself was interesting, because we're using two languages and Lulu is responding in both through a runny nose), I stumbled upon a little phrase which I think might make a difference: Keep going, keep growing.
Up to that point, I had offered many more words that didn't seem to register with her. For a small child without much experience of life, I think my long-winded advice was hard to grasp. But that simple phrase--Keep going, keep growing--is something that appeared to reach her. By finally boiling down my message into these four rhyming words, it now had a form that her little hands can hold.
Keep going, keep growing. This is what I'll continue to whisper to her, and to my son, turning this phrase into a family motto that will hopefully echo in their heads and perhaps even be handed down to their own crying children one day.
Although she's a good student, overall, she struggles in math. The issue isn't so much her ability, it's more the fact that her natural tempo is quick--she does everything at a fast pace--and this undercuts her accuracy in subjects that need precision, like math.
Lulu is 10 and her brother Roy is 7. Despite the nearly three-year gap between them, Roy is a far more precise thinker and, as a result, is now surpassing Lulu in areas of language development that involve more careful attention, such as spelling.
But back to math and last night's tears.
One vital lesson every child must learn is that no skill in life is merely a matter of "can" or "can't." As long as we continue to try, and keep our frustrations reasonably contained, skill development is pretty simple, really: given regular effort, it's an ongoing process of growth over time. There's a time and place for thinking, of course, but when thinking overtakes doing, this "overthinking" is an unnecessary interference. (The same is true for raising a bilingual child: there is no "failure" unless we abandon our efforts. See Have You Failed at Raising a Bilingual Child?)
Lulu, though, hasn't learned this lesson yet, and by believing the error of her perception--that people either "can" or "can't" do something--while dwelling on her frustrations and letting them undermine her desire and her efforts, she has created her own obstacle to this ongoing process of growth. In other words, she's making this much harder than it really is; she's getting in her own way.
As my wife and I talked to her about this (which itself was interesting, because we're using two languages and Lulu is responding in both through a runny nose), I stumbled upon a little phrase which I think might make a difference: Keep going, keep growing.
Up to that point, I had offered many more words that didn't seem to register with her. For a small child without much experience of life, I think my long-winded advice was hard to grasp. But that simple phrase--Keep going, keep growing--is something that appeared to reach her. By finally boiling down my message into these four rhyming words, it now had a form that her little hands can hold.
Keep going, keep growing. This is what I'll continue to whisper to her, and to my son, turning this phrase into a family motto that will hopefully echo in their heads and perhaps even be handed down to their own crying children one day.
