Hello from Japan!

Hi Evelin,

The language rules in your family don't seem to be clear (I hope I don't sound too harsh, I'm just trying to get the picture from what you wrote). And that will certainly not help your children stick to the ml.

To raise a bilingual child, whatever your strategy (OPOL, ml@home...) each parent has to stick firmly to their language. Kids are very pragmatic beings and the minute he realises you can speak the ML, the likelihood is that he won't want to make the effort to use the ml.

I had a similar problem with my eldest (6). We're a trilingual family (Daddy speaks Spanish, Mummy English, French is our ML) and until she was 4 we used the ML as the family language. My daughter simply refused to use her mls and always spoke the ML. She did not feel the need to use her mls with us as we spoke the ML.

My best advice is to stick to Hungarian whatever the circumstances. Your child understands everything, it is just us arrogant adults who think that because they are so small they don't always understand.

Do you use any resources in the ml besides speaking to him in Hungarian?

To be honest, the ML is a bit of an enemy because it is spoken all over the place and leaves no room for the ml. There is a heavy imbalance that is harmful to raising a child to be bilingual. You are the only one who can even this balance.

Don't correct him. Let him speak and repeat what he says the correct way. As he grows older and more confident, you can maybe pick on one thing he always says wrong to correct him. And then when he finally says it right all the time, move on to another thing he says wrong. Very slow process but much better for his self-confidence.

If you know your family circumstances are going to change even more in favour of Japanese, make the most of your current situation to nurture the ml in your children.  


And Adam's book will set you on the right track! . I wish I had read it before my eldest was born. It would have spared me the stupid idea I had of using the ML as the family language back then.

Not taking decisions is the worst thing you can do in the sense that on a bilingual journey you always have to stay very proactive.   

Rearing bilingual children is like looking at a duck swimming: it all looks so easy and natural but if you look under the surface you'll see how much work it takes for the duck to swim!

The only time I don't is when we are in a discussion with ML speakers. My eldest now knows she gets told off for using the ML with me.

You will see in Adam's book that he actually explains how he avoided speaking Japanese in front of his kids so they would think he couldn't speak it and hence be forced to use English with him.


You need to immerse them in the ml so they are exposed to it but also feel the need to use the language. If they hear you translating they won't feel the need to use the ml with you.

I see how knowing you may move abroad, and seeing that you consider Japanese more a priority than Hungarian, it may be hard to decide what language to speak.

If you're staying in Japan for a while, Japanese isn't a language you have to worry about; they'll learn it from the environment and their dad, even if they spend less time with him than they do with you. In this situation it's Hungarian they may decide not to speak (dad speaks Japanese, everyone speaks Japanese, and so does mom; why bother speaking Hungarian?).

If I were you, I'd always speak Hungarian to them for as long as you live in Japan.

If you need to move elsewhere, then you may decide to use the time and place strategy if you feel their dad won't be a sufficient source of exposure (this means; keep speaking Hungarian, but in certain places and/or at certain times, speak to them in Japanese).

But every family is different, and only you know what works best for your family.

Welcome to the forum!!