Update!

That must have been a great experience being an exchange student in Quebec, Mayken!

And yes, I think it is particularly annoying for anglophones because on the one hand, people are always saying that they (anglophones) don't speak other languages and criticise them for that, but on the other hand many people won't give them a chance to learn, either. I know personally that there are a couple of languages that I deliberately won't be encouraging my children to learn, purely because I know they will never be given the opportunity to practise it properly with native speakers because they will always opt to speak ml1 with them.

And the other thing is that I don't think non-Anglophones realise that it often actually requires quite a bit of effort most of the time to speak to a non-Anglophone in English, even if their English is decent: you have to listen better, slow down your own way of speaking and use grammatical forms that are more simple. For me, it not only requires effort for me to speak to most non-Anglophones that I encounter in daily life in English, it also takes away from my own pleasure in practising speaking the other language. So basic things like going to a restaurant become far less enjoyable, because I have to deal with trying to understand a waiter who refuses to speak to me in anything other than English, even though I am quite capable of speaking their language! Of course, when I'm in an English-speaking country, I am more than happy to listen patiently while the person speaks to me in English, even if they are native speakers of a language that I speak (better than them), because I consider that polite and respectful of their efforts, but when I am in their country I hope that people will extend me the same 'courtesy'. Does that make sense? The thing is that the tone of these conversations, however they are intended, come across as quite rude - you can see the anglophone trying to politely ask for something in the language of the country, and the waiter (or whoever it is) literally spitting back English with a sort of arrogance that says "don't even bother". It feels extraordinarily dismissive and disrespectful - maybe it is something only anglophones can understand as we are the only ones really experiencing it (although my husband was so outraged by it on our recent trip that he suggested I write a letter to the city authorities about it!). But I have decided to no longer let it get to me, and from now on when it happens I am just going to tell the person outright to speak to me in the language!

Sorry, as you can see it's a bit of an issue for me as it's something that I encounter regularly, so I get very frustrated by it. But now, as you pointed out, I have a reason to not get so annoyed (the extra exposure to ml1 it gives my children!) so I am calming down a bit, haha!

Yes so true Amy - it's really as though it is two different children!

Not yet - he is not yet 11 months so I’m not expecting any words for a few months yet. I think my daughter was around 14 months when she started to say « mamma » and « papa » - it went very quickly after that! One thing that I’m having trouble with him is that he wants to move all the time and won’t concentrate even for a short time when I read him books. So I keep the reading with him very short but spend more time reading with my daughter when he is in the room. I hope that even if he isn’t actually looking at the book, he will somehow be absorbing it all and hopefully also developing interest in reading more generally!

Otherwise, at the moment he has mostly exposure to ml2 (with the nanny) and the rest of the time is roughly divided between ML and ml1. That will all change next month though, when he starts crèche. I am going to have to redouble my ml efforts then!

How does that work if they don't have any background in ml1? Hopefully your daughter likes the ml1 teacher. It makes such a big difference if they like the teacher. I'm really hoping my daughter likes her new teachers. Especially because CP is a big year, where suddenly they get a lot more work to do. My son is having the same teachers again, who are both great and he loves them.

As for the reading, all children are different. Perhaps try out different books. For example, ones with cars or dinosaurs. My son loved these. My children seem to be very girly and boyish. We have gender neutral books of course like The Gruffalo, We Are Going on a Bear Hunt, The Hungry Caterpillar etc, but my son was very keen on books just about different cars, buses and trucks or dinosaurs, bugs etc. My daughter was more keen on princesses etc. She also likes the bugs and dinosaurs too...but cars...no way! Try testing out different themes to see if something interests him. Or just stop as he gets bored and hopefully he will eventually grow more interested.

I'm glad your time in ml2 country went so well, Nellie, in spite of all those different attempts to speak English with you guys!!

I must say I've been on the other side, speaking English to someone who addressed me in Spanish. I used to do it because I thought I was being helpful. Later, I realized that wasn't the case, so I only switch to English if the other person truly can't communicate in Spanish. I always tell them the way to say it in Spanish afterwards. Live and learn. Also, I must confess I hate it when native speakers speak s-low-ly to me and using very simple words. I know they mean well, so I just ask them to please speak normally with me. I'll ask when I don't understand. It's enlightening to hear your sides of things, Nellie. I had never thought of the struggle it is for you guys to understand and simplify your speech to be understood. If I were you I'd simply ask the person speaking English to you to speak their native language so that you can practice. I think they're just trying to be helpful. If it makes you feel better -this makes a funny story but was pretty annoying at the time- everyone spoke English to me in Mexico when I spoke Spanish to them. And I'm a native speaker!!

I think the best part of travelling to a ml country is your children getting the chance to play with other children in their ml(s). I'm glad this was the case for you. I hope your daughter's ml1 teacher does speak only in ml1 to the kids-that's not the case at my daughter's school, although my daughter says this teacher does address her only in the ml, so that's something. My French teacher in high school only ever spoke French to us, and although it was a bit of a shock at first, we quickly begun to understand. This is to say it can be done, especially with young children who pick up a new language quicker than we do.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son's not being interested in books. My son wasn't either. He still isn't that much, although he now enjoys some at times. I think it's a matter of maturity and it also depends on the child. My daughter loved books since she was little. She also liked watching TV. My son isn't that interested in books but he isn't in TV either. I think it's a matter of being able to sit down and concentrate on something long enough, more than it is an interest or disinterest in books.

I completely understood your rant, Nellie! I'm glad you enjoyed your time in Spain. I can't wait to go back to ml country myself!! I miss having the ml all around me.

Thanks so much Marta, that is really helpful!

Thanks Adam! I will persist and try the different things you mention. Hopefully my son will start wanting to copy his big sister at some point - she looooves reading (well, being read to).

My son is doing his adaptation at creche this week. Today was the first day we left him alone, just for a short period, and it was a lot more difficult than I was expecting - he cried a lot (his sister never did this). We had a meeting with the creche staff, who are very nice. I raised the language issue, not for any purpose really other than to give them a full picture of my son's life. I think I am always hoping to exchange stories on multilingualism and children, and I would have loved to hear stories of other children in the creche dealing with similar issues and what they have observed, but they didn't really pick up on that - their focus is elsewhere. I'm sure there will be other chances to exchange as he settles in. I did realise that my son is starting to understand language, as he started crying when the caregiver told him I had to leave. Although he is 11 months and I know many children are even speaking at this age, both my children seem to be a little slower in showing that they understand language, so this was a positive sign for me, even if it was the ML!

My daughter is speaking quite a lot to me in ml2 these days. I'm not discouraging it because it's not ML and she clearly enjoys it, and is speaking enough in ml1 that it doesn't bother me. She is starting to conjugate better too. I have been reading quite a bit to her lately, and have realised that she really seems to love books about immigrant children in the US. Obviously she doesn't understand the context, but she loves the occasional use of ml2 words mixed in with ml1, and perhaps the slight 'otherness' of the characters appeals to her. I wonder whether there are books like this in ML - not for me to read to her, but for my husband.

One interesting moment: the school asked us to decide between our daughter doing an extra period of English per week (in addition to the 7 periods they already have), or an 'initiation' to Chinese. I assumed we would go for the extra English, because I figured it was not necessary to 'foist' another language on my daughter. But much to my surprise, my husband immediately insisted that it be Chinese. On reflection, I decided why not - it is more for the cultural opening than anything else as one hour is clearly not enough to develop communication skills, and the extra hour of English would probably have been more for the children who are lagging behind. But what was most interesting was that my husband said something in the vein of "we know she can cope with it, so why not?". This made me realise how very much on board he has become with the multilingual set-up of our family, which I found reassuring.

Speaking at 11 months? Neither of my children spoke until they were 15 months old, so I don't think your son is lagging behind at all!! I have seen children say "mamá" (=mom) at 12mo, and I know it isn't that uncommon, but later is perfectly normal too.

You were very lucky that your daughter didn't cry when going to nursery school. Both my children cried, my son still does, and so did my nephew. But as soon as they moved onto the other school (3yo and up), there was no more crying, so hang in there!! It's usually just the first month, and after long holidays.

I would have also gone for Chinese. 1h isn't enough to make a difference in her English, and Chinese is something new to be exposed to, which is always good in my book.

That's great that your daughter's friends speak English to some extent and were willing to speak it with you. I wish that were the case with my daughter's friends!

About "I can" instead of "can I", I've been correcting my daughter's questions for ages: "Mommy, where you are?/what you're doing?/etc..." "Can I" is the exception, really. If you come up with something that works and gets her to say it right, let us know!! I just keep repeating it correctly every time, emphasizing what she's saying wrong, then answering: "where are you? I'm.../what are you doing? I'm..." The other day I corrected her a couple of times in a short time, and then she made the opposite mistake. But at least this means she's listening.