Baby steps for a non-native mum

Hi Alison,

I can fully understand how you are feeling and I would like to remind you that you have a right to prioritize yourself if you are sleep deprived or sick. There isn't going to be much progress anyway if you are not feeling well. So, baby steps as you say with yourself as a priority.

Congrats on your baby's milestone. It's a great one but also a hard one now when they are mobile and curious. It's a constant battle. However, when you read your update overall, I can honestly get the impression that you are making great progress. You are speaking with your husband automatically and meeting up with the tutor. That's great progress. Have you tried looking at language books for beginners? This is not for you to follow the book but browse the themes they use in the book to get some ideas and different scenarios?

Thanks for the support and the ideas. I'm taking your advice and giving myself a break from posting this week. I'm happy that I can continue using ml all the time with my son even when things are tough so I won't worry I'm not making lots of extra effort this week. The ml March challenge is enough for now.

Alison, I can empathize. It's definitely hard for me to slow down when I'm not at my best, and part of that has to do with my concern that my efforts are "lacking" during that time. But it's also true that the years have given me a better perspective on this, and I've found that it's really wiser for me to get the rest I need and then return stronger again. Yes, consistent habits and routines are central to this quest, but times of weariness or illness are exceptions to this rule and, as long as the larger bilingual goal remains of paramount importance, there's no danger at all of tumbling down a "slippery slope" of inactivity.

For more thoughts on this theme, please see...

Parents of Bilingual Kids, Take Time to Relax and Recharge Your Energy!

Despite the challenges you describe, it sounds like you're making persistent and productive efforts so I would simply encourage us both to continue doing our honest best, from day to day, and when we temporarily need to "do less," that we forgive ourselves and recognize that these times won't detract from the greater progress being made.

THREE POSITIVES

1. While listening to Norwegian radio I discovered a new singer who had just released an album. He comes from the same area as my husband's family and sings in dialect so it's really helpful for me to get used to some of the features of the language they use which is quite different from the form of Norwegian I have learned. I downloaded the album so now I need to remember to play it in the background.

2. I still lapse with using ml with my husband at times but overall it is now our default language and it feels much more normal and natural than it did a few weeks ago.

3. I found an app listing baby related vocabulary for people bringing their children up bilingual English/Spanish. I took a note of all the sentences related to bathtime and my Norwegian tutor helped me translate them. I was pleased I could do most already but I was making a few errors she could correct. She translated the few I couldn't say and was also able to think of a few more ideas which were more idiomatic and particular to Norwegian and which will help me be more playful at bathtime. It was great to have a starting point to spark her ideas so I will work through the other categories on the app with her each week.

TWO DIFFICULTIES

1. Still lacking in energy so some days I'm not reading/singing and I find it hard to use more than the most basic language. I find myself communicating with gestures and silly noises as I'm too tired to figure out a sentence I know how to say.

2. My husband thinks very literally and finds it hard to translate between languages and think of a natural sounding equivalent phrase instead of just translating word for word. So although he can use all his languages very well, it's much harder if I ask him something in ML that I need help to express in ml. I don't think there's anything I can do to change the way he translates so instead I'm trying to use ml to express myself but with him helping to uncover the meaning of what I'm hoping to express. Ultimately this will help me in ml but my language skills are still causing misunderstanding and confusion when I use this strategy and it can be frustrating for both of us.

ONE CHALLENGE

1. I find playing duolingo for a short time each morning helps me to start the day on the right track and is helping me to improve grammar and vocabulary. I will try to play it every day this week.

This week has been ok. I played Duolingo each morning while my husband was changing and dressing our son and I think it helps me work on some grammar points that I get mixed up with and starts the day off well.

THREE POSITIVES

1. NEW BOOKS ARRIVED!!! I'm so excited! It took 6 weeks from when I placed the order, cost a fortune and it was guesswork to choose which books might be good as there was such a brief description on the publisher's website. We read them all twice yesterday and my son is very keen on two of them already so I think that is a big success. One of the ones he likes best I probably wouldn't have chosen because it has so few words so that has saved me from feeling disappointed with it. Overall there is lots of new vocabulary to learn in them.

2. I've noticed a big jump in my son's understanding. He recognises the names of more of his toys and will look at them or pick them up if I ask where they are. If we start talking about the bath he goes over to the door leading to the stairs. If we are home and I mention lunch or dinner he goes to his highchair. It's lovely to see this and makes me feel confident he understands much more even if we can't see it yet.

3. My husband has started using Norwegian with me even after my son is in bed now. I don't think it's deliberate - the habit is beginning to stick and he forgets to switch to English again. Even if I reply in English, he keeps speaking Norwegian unless I ask him to switch. This will really help my language and it's great I don't have to be the one reminding and asking.

TWO DIFFICULTIES

1. I think it's a positive that I'm beginning to notice more sentences I could be saying every day to my son as part of our routine if I had the language ability. The difficulty is that I need to find a way to remember them so I can ask either my husband or tutor. In the moment I often have both hands occupied with my son and later on I can't remember what they are.

2. I have managed to use Norwegian with my son in front of a few English speakers but I'm still finding it hard to do it in every situation. Previously I wouldn't speak to him much at all when others were around because it felt so wrong to speak English with him. I don't think that's a good thing. However, I think I'm starting to establish the habit of using English with him and that might be harder to break. The reason for it is that my son is now mobile and very active and determined. He often tries to grab toys or food from other babies or toddlers, occasionally pulls their hair or just charges over them instead of going round them. I know this is normal for this stage of development but I feel a huge pressure in front of other parents to be seen to be teaching him not to do this. Because he is still so young I don't feel like the words I say in these situations have any meaning for him so I physically remove him and the words I say are more for the other parents' benefit. I feel the need for them to know I am teaching him so I say them in English. Also, when we are out we come across more new situations where I am lacking vocabulary so it's harder for me to know what to say.

ONE CHALLENGE

I will try to learn as much new vocabulary from our new books as I can.

Those 3 positives are big ones, Alison! Your son's showing he understands must be exciting! It's also great that your husband got so used to speaking Norwegian to you, so that you don't need to worry about it, and it should also help you with learning more and more. And what can I say about books? I love getting new ones!

The not remembering what I wanted to say to look it up later happens to me too. The good thing is that if it happens a few times, then I do finally remember it. I even have a list of translations on my phone that I have to check every now and then. 

As far as the last one goes, I hope time will help. I'm now so used to it that I would feel funny speaking to my children in anything other than the ml. I think this one is especially important because if you speak in the ML when you're in public, you're showing your children that 1) speaking in the ML with you is an option and 2) speaking in the ml in public is embarrassing. I know it's hard, but this is what I told myself when I felt funny speaking in the ml to them, and it worked for me. But hey, baby steps. You've made big improvements in a short while!

Alison - I agree with the points made by others. Also...in my experience, parents of small children are in general so tired and most of all worried that they're not doing everything 'right', that no one is actually paying that much attention to what you do anyway - they are too focused on themselves! So even if it's hard, try not to worry about what anyone may think and just charge ahead with using the ml. 😀

How has another week passed already?! I forgot to post so I'll wait until Friday. Thanks, everyone, for your support. You're right that I shouldn't worry too much about what other people think as they're probably not paying much attention to us anyway.

Undraa, in the future we will use regular trips to Norway to boost the language. At the moment, I'm not ready for such a long trip as our family lives in a remote area and I think it would be difficult being there while my son is still so young. It would also be mostly in ml2 which I am less focused on at the moment.

I have been reading the new books a lot so hopefully we're both absorbing the extra vocabulary although I haven't looked up the new words yet so I'm not 100% sure of the meaning. I'll try and meet this challenge over the next few days.

That's great; good for you! This is a tough one and you're already doing it!!


Awww.


You and me both! I don't know how many times I thought one book would be boring and they loved it or thought it was great and they ignored it.


LOL. That last comment had me laughing. I don't know how you do it! I don't think I would have been able to start speaking in the ml with my husband when either of my children were that little. I don't want this sounding the wrong way, but I need to say that it's okay to break the rules every now and then now that your son is little and he won't notice. I feel that we, parents, are sometimes -all the time, actually- too hard on ourselves.


What a great idea!