I haven't participated at The Bilingual Zoo in a while and it's great to see so many parents helping each other out with their language challenges.
So here's the most recent challenge I've faced with my kids. My daughter (4) and my son (3) both communicate with me in their ML (English), comprehend most of what I say in ml (Japanese) but do not speak back to me in ml. Often enough, whenever it's my turn to read a story to them or select media for them to watch or listen to, my kids will demand it be in the ML and then make a big fuss when I select something in ml. At times the mother will have to intervene and insist that whatever we're doing be in Japanese, or, much to my chagrin, insist that it be in English because of the headache it causes. Another instance is when my son will either demand that I speak to him in Japanese. Or, if I'm reading a story in Japanese, he will quickly lose interest or not be interested at all. This would never happen when I'm reading an English book.
Of course, this doesn't happen every single time, but it happens often enough that I feel that it impinges on the overall exposure to ml.
Now, I understand that their preferences of books and media are in the ML because that's the language they understand best, but I find it discouraging being the parent who's trying to encourage the ml but facing outright resistance.
Is anyone out there going through this? Any suggestions to address it?
Children always complain about everything (e.g: going to their tennis class yet once there they have a good time). The same applies to languages. Maybe you could have a look at this thread about Complaints from children.
Personally, this time last year my eldest daughter was in the same situation as your kids. She was bilingually passive: understood everything but hardly spoke in any of her two ml. We went to the extreme situation of banning the ML at home overnight (see my Track Your Progress thread if it can be of interest to you). However, I think it worked rather well given our family language set-up; i.e: two ml and my husband and I both understand one another's language - which leaves no room for the ML. Might also work for bilingual ML-ml families with the ML parent speaking the ml and accepting a ml@h strategy.
Now, almost a year later, my eldest daughter is bilingually active. But she does occasionally try to put up resistance, bringing back some ML home. I confess (and she knows it very well, that cheeky little thing!) that it peeves me off. However we don't give in. When disheartened I try to remember that kids are ungrateful and always moan about things (as described above).
To start with, maybe try to secure your spouse's unwavering support so that she does not give in just to avoid a headache. In education, we are stronger if united, otherwise kids notice it and try "to divide and conquer". If Daddy says no to sweets but Mummy says yes, kids will know where to go to get it their way.
Also, if it is not already the case, try to always do everything in ml; i.e. never read a story in ML (translate it), always watch the DVD in ml, always speak in ml. Always stick to your language for whatever you do with your kids. Overtime, your kids might get the hint that with Daddy it is ml full-stop. Eventually, maybe they'll slowly stop bickering over the language because they'll know it is something that cannot be discussed.
Hope this can help.
***"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - Oscar Wilde***
Basically, I would encourage you to emphasize Japanese and "de-emphasize" English during these first few formative years, at least to the degree that's possible and practical for your situation. Given the circumstances I'm aware of, I know this is very challenging for you, but the more you can playfully persist in providing daily input in Japanese, the more progress will be made over the months and years ahead. And even if their early ability is more passive, that ability is still a significant achievement and can then be activated more easily at a later stage.
In line with the post about resources, I would also suggest that you be as proactive as you can about bringing in appealing Japanese materials on a regular basis and trying to get your children "hooked" on popular characters and stories, like Pokemon, Doraemon, etc. This was my own strategy from early on--doing what I could to "condition" my kids to prefer resources in the minority language, while mindfully limiting such materials in the majority language--and this approach was not only productive at the time, it established a long-lasting interest in books, music, movies, and other resources in the minority language. I realize, of course, that the complexity of written Japanese is a disadvantage in this respect, but the basic principle still holds true: the more Japanese resources you have, and the more those resources appeal to your children, the more engagement and progress you'll surely generate through the whole length of childhood.
Adam Beck is the founder of Bilingual Monkeys and The Bilingual Zoo, and the author of the book "Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability", praised worldwide by parents and experts in the field. Available at Amazon amzn.to/22XKuCt, the global Amazon sites, and other booksellers.
You are already in good hands with Amy and Adam here.
All I can add is, you can try different kinds of interactions in the ml until you find that thing that sparks his/her interest in ml. Just keep trying and please post in here. I would like to learn your process as I am also going through the same ups and downs with my kids.
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Nellie: Adam - will watch the video as soon as I can (living circumstances not permitting right now - we are still in temp accommodation and I can't turn on volume) - looking forward to it!
Sept 22, 2017 5:56:44 GMT 9
Mayken: Skyping with grandma last night had to be cancelled due to technological problems - I needed to talk my mom through a Skype update and her phone battery died. :-(
Sept 25, 2017 20:45:42 GMT 9
Joanna: sorry Mayken...this is sad but funny as I'm sure many skype Grandparents have the same woes !(mine..) For us this weekend: potty training has led to great quality time reading and chatting, and some pretty hilarious ml questions
Sept 26, 2017 6:20:44 GMT 9
Adam Beck: Mayken and Joanna, I can relate! My mother (Grandma) can't seem to get the sound on her computer working so when we Skype, we also have to use the telephone!
Sept 26, 2017 6:36:03 GMT 9
Mayken: Adam, and Joanna, it's good to know we're not alone in this!
Sept 27, 2017 2:46:28 GMT 9
Joanna: Planning a long Christmas minority language visit, so exciting!
Sept 30, 2017 14:46:01 GMT 9
Mayken: Yay! Skype is working again on my mom's tablet, meaning we can skype with ml grandma again!
Oct 2, 2017 23:12:24 GMT 9
Mayken: The other day my mom (monolingual ml) called while my daughter and I were out, so Daddy (monolingual ML) answered. My mom was amazed to find out he isn't monolingual ML any more after all, and praised his active ml ability.
Oct 3, 2017 23:28:39 GMT 9
Joanna: For each day my daughter is exposed to other people speaking English (here in France) I put a little star on the calendar...trying to fill it up!
Oct 8, 2017 3:52:17 GMT 9
Adam Beck: Nice motivating idea, Joanna! And Mayken, thanks for sharing your good news on two fronts!
Oct 9, 2017 7:11:50 GMT 9
Marisa: My daughter won't say number one in Spanish or English, but in German! She loves recognizing the number and saying it out loud... it sounds more like the word 'ice' in English, though, but it's 'eins.' Number 9, however, is 'nueve'. So funny!
Oct 11, 2017 10:33:45 GMT 9
Mayken: My dad's giving Adam's book to his Lithuanian friend's daughter, whose husband is sceptical about their little girl learning German.
Oct 14, 2017 21:10:20 GMT 9
Adam Beck: Mayken, thank you for sharing my book! I hope it can be helpful to them!
Oct 16, 2017 15:57:32 GMT 9
Marisa: Adam, another bilingual monkey is about to be born near me (one of my colleagues is giving birth tomorrow), so I also got her and her husband a copy of your book... this world needs more bilingual kids!
Oct 18, 2017 0:06:43 GMT 9
Adam Beck: Many thanks, Marisa! In my humble opinion, more bilingual kids = more empathy in the world = a more peaceful planet.
Oct 18, 2017 7:33:04 GMT 9